Blood Promise Chapter Twenty-Two

I didnt cry very often. And I hated it when I did. The last time Id through it around Dimitri, his arms had immediately surrounded me. This time, both I got was a look of frostyness and anger.This is your fault he yelled, fists clenched.I cringed spineward, eyes wide. unless he he attacked meYes. And Inna. A human being You let a human attack you. He couldnt keep the gibe from his voice. You atomic number 18 weak. You are incapable of defending yourself-all because you refuse to be wakeHis voice was terrifying, and the look he gave me well, it scared me almost much than Nathan had. range forward, he jerked me up to my feet.If you had sightly been killed, it would bring on been your own fault, he verbalize. His fingers take a musical mode into my articulatio radiocarpea as he shook me. You attain the chance for immortality, for implausible strength And youre too blind and stubborn to empathize to it it.I sw allowed corroborate to a greater extent tears and rubbed my eyes with the posterior of my dumb hand. No suspect I was ruining the makeup Id so pains takingly commit on.My lovingness was contemplatey to explode forth of my chest, I was so afraid. I anticipate rage and threats from Nathan- entirely non Dimitri.Youve forgotten hes a Strigoi, something whispered in my mind.Id bygone dogged replete without a instante and had enough adrenaline gripe me to alertness that my nagging voice was speaking much loudly than it had in a very long time. Dimitri say I was weak because I wasnt Strigoi, further in that respect was much to it than that. I was weak and had been subdued by Nathan and Inna because I was an addict, because I was living a life of blissful ignorance that was taking a toll on my embody and my mind. The thought was startling, and I could that hold onto it. My yearning for vampire endorphins flared up, and the both factions warred in my mind.I had enough soul non to voice any of those thoughts. I tried for s omething that would tranquillize Dimitri instead. I dont weigh Id be stronger than Nathan, even if I was turn-awakened.He ran a hand over my hair, his cold voice thoughtful. He seemed to be calming conquer, besides his eyes were still angry and impatient. Perhaps not initially, but your strength of body and will carries over with the change. Hes not that much surely-enough(a) than either of us-not enough to make a noticeable difference, which is why he keeps backing humble when we fight. wherefore do you keep backing calibrate?I felt his body go rigid, and I realized my hesitancy might be read as a slam against his prowess. I swallowed, my fear returning. He hadnt let go of my wrist, and it was starting to hurt.Because hes right close to one thing, Dimitri said stiffly. Killing him would clear Galinas wrath down on us. And thats not something I can afford.Yet.You said in the lead that you that we had to kill her.Yes, and one time we do, itll be easy to seize control of her assets and organization.What is her organization exactly? If I unploughed distracting him, the anger might go away. The monster might go away.He shrugged. All sorts of things. This wealth isnt bought without effort.Effort thats illegal and hurts humans?Does it look?I didnt b some other with an answer. But Galina used to be your teacher. Can you authentically kill her? And I dont mean physically I mean, doesnt it bother you?He considered. I told you before. Its all roughly strength and weakness. Prey and predator. If we can bring her down-and I rouse up no doubts we can -then shes prey. End of story.I shivered. It was so harsh, such a stark and scary way of viewing the world. Dimitri released my wrist just then, and a wave of relief ran through me. On parlous legs, I backed up and sat on the couch. For a snatch, I feared hed grab me again, but instead he sat down beside me.Why did Inna attack me? Why did she defend Nathan?Because she loves him. Dimitri didnt bother hidi ng his disgust.But how?Who beds? fraction of it is that hes promised to awaken her formerly shes baffle in time here. Sydneys warnings came back to me, active why the Alchemists feared that humans would learn about vampires-because humans might wish to turn too. Thats what most of the human servants are told.Told?Most are unworthy. Or, more often than not, someone set outs hungry and finishes the human remove.I was getting sepulchral to my stomach, independent of Dimitris proximity. This is all a mess.It doesnt flip to be. I didnt think he would shake me again, but in that respect was a dangerous glint in his eyes. The monster was only a heartbeat away. Times running out. Ive been lenient, Roza. Far more lenient than I would be with anyone else.Why? Why have you done it? I use upinessed- removeed-then to hear him say it was because he loved me and that because of that love, he could neer force me into anything I didnt indirect request. I needed to hear it so that I cou ld blot out that terrifying, furious instrument Id seen a few proceeding ago.Because I know how you think. And I know awakening you of your own free will would make you a more important ally. Youre independent and strong-minded-thats what makes you valuable.An ally, huh?not the woman he loved.He shifted so that his baptistery hovered over mine. Didnt I tell you at a time Id constantly be there for you? Im here. Ill defend you. Were spillage to be together. Were meant to be together. You know this. There was more fierceness in his voice than affection.He flattered my lips, drawing me close. The usual heat flooded me, my body instantly responding to his. But even as my body did one thing, other thoughts were spinning through my mind. I had always thought we were meant to be together. And he had once told me hed always be there for me. Id always destinyed that too-but I had wanted to be there for him in return. I wanted us to be equals, always watching each others backs.Today h adnt been equal that. Id been defenseless. Weak. Never, neer in my life had I been same that. Even in horrible, outmatched moments, Id put up a decent fight. At the very to the lowest degree, Id had the will to fight. not now. Id been terrified. Id been ineffectual. I hadnt been able to do anything except sit there pathetically and wait for someone to rescue me. Id let a human get the best of me.Dimitri said me becoming Strigoi was the solution. For the last week, hed said that over and over, and plot I hadnt agreed to it, I hadnt been as repulsed as I once had been. Lately, it had wrick a thought floating around out there, a far- glowering way for us to be together. And I did want to be together, especially in moments like this, when we kissed and desire crackled around both of us.But this time the desire wasnt quite as intense as usual. It was still there, but I couldnt shake the image of how hed just been. It occurred to me with startling pellucidity that I was making out with a Strigoi. And that was weird.Breathing heavy, Dimitri pulled away from my lips for a moment and stared at me. Even with that composed Strigoi expression, I could see that he wanted me-in a lot of ways. It was conf apply. He was Dimitri and not Dimitri. Leaning back down, he kissed my cheek, then my chin, and then my neck. His mouth opened wider, and I started to purport the points of his fangsNo, I blurted out.He froze. What did you say? My heart started thumping again, as I braced myself for more rage.Um no. Not this time.He pulled back and looked at me, seeming both shocked and annoyed. When he didnt respond, I rapan to ramble.I dont olfactory modality good Im hurt. Im afraid to lose the blood, even though I want Dimitri always said I couldnt lie to him, but I had to try. I put on my best, most passionate and innocent face. I want it I want to feel the bunco game but I want to rest first, get strongerLet me awaken you, and youll be strong again.I know, I said, still keep ing my voice slightly frantic. I looked away, hoping to growth the facade of confusion. Okay, with my life lately, faking confusion wasnt that hard. And Im starting to thinkI hear a sharp intake of breath. Starting to think what?I sullen back to him, hoping I could convince him I was seriously considering turning. Im starting to think that I dont ever want to be weak again.I could see it in his face. He believed me. But then, that last part hadnt been a lie. I didnt want to be weak.Please I just want to rest. I need to think about it a little more.There it was, the moment this all weighed on. The truth was, I wasnt just fictionalization to him. I was lying to myself. Because seriously? I wanted that bite. Badly. Id already gone a long time without one, and my body was screaming for it. I needed the endorphins, needed them more than air or food. And barely, in only one day without them, Id gained a tiny shard of clarity. The part of me that wanted nothing more than the felicity of ignorant ecstasy didnt care about my mind growing clearer, yet I knew, cabalistic inside, that I had to try for a little bit more, even if it meant depriving myself of what I most wanted.After a lot of thought, Dimitri nodded and stood up. Hed read my words like Id reached a turning point and was on the limit of accepting. Rest, then, he said. And well talk later. But Rose we only have two days.Two days?Until Galinas deadline. Thats how long she gave us. Then I make the closing for you.Youll awaken me? I wasnt entirely sure if death was on the instrument panel anymore.Yes. Itll be better for all of us if we dont reach that point. He got off the bed and stood up. He paused a moment and reached into his pocket.Oh. I brought you this.He pass me a bracelet encrusted with opals and tiny diamonds, almost like it was no big charter. The bracelet was dazzling, and each opal shone with a thousand colors. Wow. Its its gorgeous. I slipped it on my wrist, yet somehow, gifts like this di dnt mean as much anymore.With a pleasant look, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. He headed for the door then and leftfield me lying back against the couch, trying desperately to think of anything else except how I wished he would turn around and bite me.The rest of the day was agonizing.Id always read about addicts, about how hard a time populate had breaking away from alcohol or illegal medicines. Id even once witnessed a feeder go merciful of crazy when he was aloof from service. Hed grown too old, and it was considered hazardous to his health to keep on great(p) blood to Moroi. Id watched in amazement as he begged and pleaded to be allowed to cohere, how hed sworn he didnt mind the jeopardize. Even though Id known he had an addiction, I just couldnt understand why it would be so worth it for him to risk his life like that. Now I did.In those hours that passed, I would have risked my life to be bitten again. That was actually kind of funny because if I did all ow another bite, I would be risking my life. I had no doubt more of that tarnishy thinking would lead to an acceptance of Dimitris offer. But with each miserable, bite deprived second that passed, my thoughts grew incrementally sharper. Oh, I was still a long way away from being free of the dreamy haze of vampire endorphins. When wed been captured in Spokane, Eddie had been used as a Strigoi blood source, and it had taken him days to recover. some(prenominal)ly bit of clarity now made me realize how important it was for me to sting bite free. Not that that knowledge made it any easier on my body.I had some serious paradoxs here. It seemed like either way, I was destined to become a Strigoi. Dimitri wanted to turn me so that we could reign together as the vampiric equivalent of Bonnie and Clyde. Nathan wanted to turn me in the hopes of hunting down Lissa-and then kill me. Clearly, Dimitris option was more appealing, but not by much. Not anymore.Yesterday, I would have said becomi ng a Strigoi was something I wasnt dismissal to worry about too much. Now, the harsh reality of what it truly meant hit me, and my old feelings returned. Suicide versus existence as a creature of evil. Of course, being a creature of evil meant I could be with Dimitri just it wasnt Dimitri. Was it? It was all so confusing. I again tried to remind myself of what hed said long ago-that no case how much a Strigoi seemed like the soul I used to know, they werent. Yet this Dimitri said hed been wrong about that.Its the endorphins, Rose. Theyre like drugs I groaned and buried my face in my hands as I sat on the couch, the TV droning in the background. Lovely. I was lecture to myself now.Supposing I could break this hold Dimitri had over me and this addled state that kept making me think Id misunderstood Strigoi well, then what? I was back to the trustworthy dilemma. No weapons to fight Strigoi with. No weapons with which to kill myself. I was back at their mercy, but at least now I wa s closer to set up a good fight. Sure, it would be a losing fight, but I felt that if I stayed off the endorphins a little longer, Id at least be able to take down Inna. That had to count for something.And there it was. turned the endorphins. Each time my mind ran through my options and hit a wall, I would spiral back to the physical reality in front of me. I wanted that high back. I wanted that haze of joy back. I needed it back, or surely, I would die. That would be what killed me and freed me from being a Strigoi tinkers dam itI stood up and began tempo around, hoping to distract myself. TV wasnt doing it that was for sure. If I could just hold out a little longer, I could shake the drug from my system, I could figure out how to save myself and Lissa, and LissaWithout any debate, I plunge into her. If I was in her body and mind, then maybe I wouldnt have to deal with mine for a while. My withdrawal would pass more quickly.Lissa and her stem had returned from theRoyal Courta b it more grimly than they arrived. The cold light of morning had made Lissa feel incredibly idiotic about the partys events. Dancing on a table wasnt the worst thing in the world, but looking for back over other parties shed been to that weekend and her affable life with Avery made her wonder what had gotten into her. Sometimes, she didnt even feel like herself. And the kiss with Aaron well, that was an entirely different guilt-inducing matter altogether.Dont worry about it, Avery told her on the plane. We all do stupid stuff when were drunk.Not me, groaned Lissa. This isnt like me. Despite this claim, Lissa had stock-still agreed to drink mimosas-champagne mixed with orange juice-on the ride back.Avery grind. I dont have anything to compare it to. You seem okay to me. But then, you arent trying to run off with a human or some non-royal guy.Lissa smiled back, and her eyes went to Jill, sit down a little ahead of them on the plane. Adrian had spoken to the younger girl earlier, b ut she was busy with a book now, her biggest concern seeming to be to stay away from Reed. He sat with Simon again, and Lissa was a little surprised to see the guardian eyeing Jill suspiciously. Maybe Reed had told Simon that the younger girl was some kind of threat.Youre worried about her? asked Avery, following Lissas gaze.Its not that I just cant shake the way she looked at me last night.Shes young. I think shes easily shocked.Lissa speculate that was true. Yet young or not, there had been something refreshingly clear and naive in the way Jill had called Lissa out. It reminded Lissa of something I might do. And Lissa couldnt rest easy well-educated someone like that thought badly of her. Lissa stood up.Ill be right back, she told Avery. Im divergence to talk to her.Jill was obviously astonished when Lissa sat beside her. The younger girl put a bookmark in what she was reading, and whatever she might be feeling, her smile for Lissa was genuine. Hey.Hey, said Lissa. She hadnt ha d much of the mimosa yet and still controlled enough liveliness to see Jills aura. It was a rich teal blue, interspersed with purple and darker blue. Good, strong colors. Look, I wanted to apologize for what happened last night what I saidOh, said Jill flushing. Its okay, really. I mean, things were kind of crazy, and I know you werent thinking straight. At least, I dont think you were. I dont really know. Ive never actually had a drink, so I cant say. Jills nervousness always seemed to make her oscillate between straggling and silence.Yeah, well, I should have been thinking straight before I got in that situation. And Im really sorry for what happened with Reed. Lissa lowered her voice. No clue what happened there but that wasnt right, what he did and said to you.Both girls found themselves studying him. He was deep in a book, but suddenly, as though he could sense them watching, his gaze turned toward Jill and Lissa. He glared, and they immediately looked away.That definitely wa snt your fault, said Jill. And, you know, Adrian was there and everything. So it turned out okay.Lissa worked to keep a straight face. Adrian was sitting out of their view, but if he hadnt been, Lissa had a feeling Jill would have been gazing at him dreamily. Adrian was doing a good deal of gazing of his own at Avery lately, and Lissa could see Jill was never red ink to leave that little-sister role for him. Yet it seemed clear that Jill was developing a little bit of a crush. It was cute, and even though Lissa knew it was stupid on her part, she couldnt help feeling a bit of relief that Adrian was the object of Jills affections and not Christian.Well, heres hoping for better choices, said Lissa. And hoping no one thinks too badly of me.I dont, said Jill. And Im sure Christian wont either.Lissa frowned, confused for a moment. Well theres no point in stressing him out over it. It was my stupid mistake Ill deal with it.Now Jill frowned. She hesitated before speaking, that old nervous ness returning. But you have to. You have to tell him the truth, right?Its no big deal, said Lissa, surprised at how defensive she suddenly felt. That unpredictable anger started to raise its head.But you guys are in a serious descent You have to always be honest, dont you? I mean, you cant lie to him.Lissa rolled her eyes. Jill, you havent been in a serious relationship either, have you? Have you even gone on one catch? Im not lying to him. Im just not telling him stuff thats going to freak him out for no reason. Its not the same.It is, argued Jill. I could tell how much it killed her to talk back to Lissa, but I admired her boldness. He has a right to know.Lissa sighed irritably and stood up. Forget it. I thought we could have an bounteous conversation, but apparently not. The withering look she gave Jill made the girl flinch.Still, back at the Academy, guilt plagued Lissa. Christian greeted her return happily, showering her with kisses and hugs. She firmly believed Jill had ov erreacted, yet each time Lissa looked at Christian, she kept thinking about that kiss with Aaron. Was it as wrong as Jill had implied? It had been casual and under the influence of alcohol. Lissa knew telling Christian would upset him, though, and she hated to bring that on. Avery, listening as Lissa deliberated, agreed that there was no need to worry about it. Yet, as I looked at her through Lissas eyes, my impression was that Avery was more worried about what Lissas emotional reply would be if she and Christian had a blowout. The morals seemed beside the point Avery wanted to protect Lissa.It seemed like it was all going to blow over until later in the day, when Lissa met up with Christian to walk to dinner. His face was a storm cloud as he approached Lissa in her dorms lobby, his pale blue eyes looking like they could shoot lightning bolts.When were you going to tell me? he demanded. His voice was loud, and several passing deal turned in surprise.Lissa hurried him to a corner, pitching her voice low. What are you talking about?You know what Im talking about. You using your weekend getaway as a chance to hook up with other guys.She stared at him for several heavy seconds. Then the truth hit. Jill told youYes. I had to drag it out of her. She showed up to practice with me and was on the verge of tears. untypical anger suddenly burned through Lissa. She had no rightYou had no right. Do you honestly think you could do something like that-without ever let me know?Christian, it was a stupid drunk kiss, for Gods sake. A joke because he saved me from falling off a table. It meant nothing.Christians face grew pensive, and Lissa thought for sure he was about to agree with her. It would have been nothing, he said at last, if youd told me yourself. I shouldnt have had to hear it from someone else.Jill--isnt the problem. You are.Shock stunned Lissa for a moment. What are you saying?I Christian suddenly looked weary. He rubbed his eyes. I dont know. Its just things ha ve been rough lately. I just Im just not sure if I can deal with all this. You were picking fights with me before you left, and now this?Why wont you listen? It was nothing Even Avery agreed.Oh, said Christian sarcastically, if Avery agreed, then it must be okay.Lissas temper raised its ugly head. Whats that supposititious to mean? I thought you liked her.I do. But I dont like how youre confiding in her more than me lately.You didnt have a problem with me confiding in Rose.Averys not Rose.ChristianHe shook his head. Look, I dont really want to go to dinner anymore. I just need to think.When am I going to see you again? she asked frantically. Her anger had been supplanted by fear.I dont know. Later.He left without another word. Lissa stared after him, aghast as he walked out of the lobby. She wanted to go throw herself at him, beg him to come back and forgive her. There were too many people around, however, and she refused to make a scene-or intrude on his space. Instead, she took o ff to the only preference she had left Avery.Didnt expect to see you again, Avery said, opening the door to her room. What are you-Jesus Christ. Whats the matter?She ushered Lissa in and demanded the story. With a lot of tears and near-hysteric rambling, Lissa related what had happened with Christian. And I dont know what he meant. Does he want to break up? Will he come talk to me later? Should I go to him? Lissa buried her face in her hands.Oh God. You dont think theres anything going on with him and Jill, do you?Jailbait? No, exclaimed Avery. Of course not. Look, you need to calm down. Youre freaking me out. This is going to be okay. Anxiety lined Averys face, and she went to get Lissa a glass of water. Then, reconsidering, she poured a glass of wine instead.Sitting alone, Lissa felt her mistaken emotions torment her. She hated what shed done. She felt like there was something wrong with her. starting line shed alienated me, and now Christian. Why couldnt she keep her friends? What did it take? Was she really going crazy? She felt out of control and desperate. And she BamSuddenly, and without warning, I was shoved out of Lissas head.Her thoughts disappeared completely. Id incomplete left of my own choice, nor had I been snapped back because of something in my own body. I stood in the room alone, having come to a standstill while pacing and thinking. Never, never had anything like that happened to me. This had been like well, like a physical force. alike(p) a glass wall or force field slamming down in front of me and pushing me back. It had been an outside power. It hadnt come from me.But what was it? Had it been Lissa? To my knowledge, shed never been able to feel me in her head. Had that changed? Had she kicked me out?Had her spinning feelings grown so strong that there was no room for me?I didnt know, and I didnt like any of it. When it had happened, aside from the sensation of being pushed, Id experienced another odd feeling.It was like a fluttering , as if someone had reached in and tickled my mind. Id had brief tippy and cold flashes, and then it had all stopped once I was out of her head. It had felt invasive.And it had also felt familiar.